How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
