if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
All the doctor said was why
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
