ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
