his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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