just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
