First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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