i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
