just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
