THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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