Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
