The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
