i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i don't like sucking hair
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
