Your face is a jimmy john
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
