dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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