I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
