No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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