That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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