Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
