I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
