this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
