My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
