fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
