He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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