he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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