did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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