I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
