if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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