Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
