dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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