i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
