have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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