i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
