Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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