you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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