It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
