I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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