i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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