So drunk its hurt
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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