I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You ruined the universe
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