so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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