Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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