help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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