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• (310): View more from California

  I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?

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• (971): View more from Oregon

  In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  Did you have a good sleep?

  (1-757): View more from Virginia

  if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep

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