he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
