im drinking this country out of the recession.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
