you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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