She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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