At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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