just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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