He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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