I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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