She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
