I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
