I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
