i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
