I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
