Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
