it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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