Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
