Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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