is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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