I understand why you refuse to be sober now
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
