Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
