Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I will die if light touches me.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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