dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
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