apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
